The Top 20: Funniest Sports Movie Quotes

Here are some of the best you are going to hear, in no particular order. Which one is your favorite?

Caddyshack-Looks good on you though

Kingpin- Great Athletes

The Sandlot- “Bertram?… Bertram got really into the 60s, and no one ever saw him again”

Bull Durham- Candlesticks

Dodgeball- “Dodgeball is a sport of violence, exclusion and degradation.”

The Replacements- John Madden- “According to the Sentinels, it says Ray Smith is – hey, that’s weird. No college given, no high school. It just says he’s been a resident of the state of Maryland for the last two years and two months, and that he likes to embroider.”

Major League- Heywood- “How’s your wife and my kids?”

Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby- Ricky Bobby-“Well let me just quote the late-great Colonel Sanders, who said…”I’m too drunk to taste this chicken.”

Major League- Manager Lou Brown “Nice catch, Hayes. Don’t ever fuckin’ do it again”

A League of Their Own- Joe Dougan to an umpire- “Did anyone ever tell you, you look like a penis with that little hat on?”

Happy Gilmore- Shooter McGavin-

Major League II- Rube Baker”Hey. Ya know Ricky, breaking up with a girlfriend can be a very painful thing. But it don’t have to keep ya down for long. I mean, let me tell ya something from my own personal experience. I’ve never had a regular girlfriend like you, but I did get kicked in the balls once by a mule. Now, I thought I would be hurting for the rest of my life. But you know what happened the very next week? …My momma died. Hell, after that, I didn’t care no more about my balls hurtin’. You see what I’m gettin’ at?

A League of Their Own- Crying

Bull Durham- Nuke LaLoosh-“Why’s he calling me meat? I’m the one driving a Porsche.

Happy Gilmore- “I am good. You know what, you’re a lousy kindergarten teacher. I’ve seen those finger-paintings you bring home and they SUCK.”

Happy Gilmore- Donald- “You will not make this putt… you jackass!”


Any Given Sunday- “Hey, unless you’re gonna kiss me, get your hands off my ass.” (When Beamen lines up behind the wrong lineman)

Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby-“Big Red”

Bad News Bears- Ahmad Abdul Rahim- [comes up to bat and turns to catcher] This is for Allah. And it’s goin’ way out there, sucka.


About B Roe

Tall, charming, handsome sports fanatic.
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