Quote-A-Rama: The Best of Kenny F**cking Powers

Eastbound and Down became an immediate cult classic during it’s first season. Kenny Powers, who essentially is a cross between Roger Clemens and John Rocker with the mullet of Rod Beck has quickly become one of the most quoteable characters in television history.

On a side note, since La Flama Blanca has “the mind of a fucking scientist” this was extremely hard to do, and there are about 100 quotes that could be on the list. The first episode is a gold mine in itself, but I tried to space it out over each season. If you don’t like that, well, “You’re Fucking OUT!!”

I’ve dug through the archives of seasons one through three (CAN”T WAIT TILL FOUR!!!!) to give you the ten best Kenny Powers quotes. Here they are:
#10-Getting lost in the Storm- “When my ass was 19 years old, I changed the face of professional baseball. I was handed the keys to the kingdom. Multi-million dollar deals. Endorsements. Everyone wanted a piece of my shit. Just a man with a mind for victory and an arm like a fucking canon. But sometimes when you bring the thunder, you get lost in the storm. But a true champion, face to face in his darkest hour will do whatever it takes to rise above. A man fights, fights, and fights some more. Because surrender is death, and death is for pussies. And my ass ain’t no pussy. My ass is a fucking champion.”

#9-Rehab- “No, babe, rehab. No, I didn’t hurt myself. Oh, ok. Yeah, I hurt myself. I hurt my nose.”

#8 Best Around- “I’m the man who has the ball. I’m the man who can throw it faster than fuck. So that is why I am better than everyone in the world. Kiss my ass and suck my dick… everyone.”

#7 Kids Suck- “And in addition to all that other stuff, Kenny Powers still does not like children”

#6- No Chance- “Boom! A strike. Strikeout! Hey buddy, don’t beat yourself up there, you pretty much had the entire force of God coming at ya.”

#5-Soccer Sucks- “In America, people fucking hate soccer, and honestly, that’s the way it should be. You kinda like soccer? I’m gunna pretend you didn’t just make my dick go soft. Yeah, no. It’s totally soft. I think it’s just gone back inside of me with that… No, don’t talk about soccer.”

#4-Fatherly Skills- “Now hand me my son. I have a life to ruin…”

#3- Losing and Cancer- If there’s one thing I hate it’s losing. If there’s two things I hate it it’s losing and getting cancer.”

#2-America!- “Sure, I’ve been called a xenophobe, but the truth is I’m not. i honestly just feel that America is the best country and all the other countries aren’t as good. That used to be called ‘patriotism’.”
#1- Triathalons?- “No Actually I don’t, I play real sports. Not trying to be the best at exercising.”

Check out IMBD or Powerisms and let me know if I got it all wrong.


About B Roe

Tall, charming, handsome sports fanatic.
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