Sports Movies that Suck: Rookie of the Year

“No way man that movie is great!”

Yeah, maybe when you were 12 years old and extremely impressionable.  This movie is so bad I don’t even know where to begin.

First of all, who in God’s name wants to see a movie about the CUBS?!? The Cubs are honestly the worst team in the history of sport. Their fan-base actually thrives off of being “loveable losers”. If you think losing is “loveable” you have to get your head examined.

Funky Buttlovin’ is not a phrase for a children’s movie

Gary Busey has a starring role.

I will admit, he does look like a Major League Pitcher

Unless Gary Busey is trying to sell Vinny Chase some weird art on Entourage, I don’t want to see him and his crazy looking teeth on a screen.

I wonder which scarred Thomas Ian Nichols for life the most? Having to act with Busey or having to kiss Tara Reid in American Pie?

In the beginning of the movie, Henry is in the outfield at his Little League game when he proceeds to throw the ball over the outfield fence in the wrong direction. Did him breaking his arm also miraculously fix his terrible mechanics and accuracy?

And the end of the movie, right after Henry’s arm goes back to normal, they pull a hidden ball trick. It’s really the climax of the movie.

It’s also a BALK. You cannot be standing on the mound during a hidden ball trick. You must be off of it. Therefore they would probably lose the game and the series, which would be a very Cubs thing to do.

One last thing, Henry’s mom falls in love with Chet (Gary Busey) which brings up the whole Henry-has-probably-seen-Chet’s-junk-in-the-locker-room-and-will-probably-need-therapy-knowing-his-mom-is-touching-those-things.

If this movie was to take place now, Rowengarter would most likely be tested for, and fail HGH and PED testing. It would come out that his doctor, a protege of Victor Conte, secretly wanted to become a sports agent and he figured Henry was his ticket for success. He injected Henry at his appointments, promising Henry all the glitz and glamor of the Major Leagues. He also sent Henry away to Germany to get the enrichment surgery that both Kobe Bryant and A-Rod had recieved.

Then, ten years later it would come out that Chet sexually abused Henry in the Cubs showers as Henry tearfully states that Chet “made him practice the Hidden Ball Trick” over and over.

Rowengartner then latches on with an Independent League team, where he posts a 8.75 ERA in 10 games before he is released. He becomes depressed after the media flak surrounding his steroid abuse.

He goes on to commit suicide by jumping off of Yankee Stadium, after realizing he should have let the Cubs sell him to the Bombers for the 25 million when they had the chance.

Sorry folks, but this movie sucks. Now you know why.


About B Roe

Tall, charming, handsome sports fanatic.
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