Phelps’ Retirement: What Will He Do With His Life?

Now that Michael Phelps’ career is over here’s what I think he’ll do during his retirement…


Teach Jason Bay how to hit

Impregnate the entire Brazilian Volleyball team

Embark on his “Who Needs College?” speaking tour

Call Ryan Lochte and remind him to keep his mouth shut.

Star in a series of sci-fi channel movies where he saves a town from a half-shark half-piranha half-octopus monster named Octosharkanha

Bang Ryan Lochte’s mom and tell Ryan that he didn’t even take her to dinner first

Drown while swimming in a kiddie pool

Invent a new weed and SMOKE ALL OF IT


Send a daily text to Ryan Lochte saying “you know what’s bro-tastic broseph? All my medals from those Olympic Bros bro”

Become the narrator for the blockbuster hit “The March of the Crabs”

Live in his moms’ basement and play Call of Duty while SMOKING ALL OF THE WEED


About B Roe

Tall, charming, handsome sports fanatic.
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