Ballin’ for Votes: The All-Presidential Basketball Team

With elections coming up soon, and the NBA All-Star game just around the corner, I figured it was as good as time as any to unveil the All-Presidential Basketball team.

PG- George Washington- Sure, he may be a little taller than most point guards, but there’s no denying he would be a great floor general. Because he was literally a general. Against all odds, Washington defeated the British and won our Independence from those no-good, tea-drinking bloats, so even Duke’s Cameron Crazies wouldn’t be formidable.

Washington has been immortalized in monuments of stone, money, and most importantly, as the George Washington University mascot.

SG- Barack Obama- No matter what you think of his policies (does he actually have any? Cause’ I haven’t seen anything get done) the dude can ball. Name another President who got hurt playing a pick-up game. You can’t.

Unless you count William Howard Taft making his servants try to pick him up, which is the origins of back problems in America

SF- Ronald Reagan- The Small Forward position is the glamour position in the NBA, filled with names like Carmelo, LeBron, and Durant. So what better President than a former actor? Plus he played “The Gipper” in a movie so he’s gotta have some athletic ability.

Judging by this photo, Reagan played for Georgetown during his Presidency. Maybe I should do more research before writing...


PF- Teddy Roosevelt. The Chris “Birdman” Anderson of this team. Undersized but with a crazy streak. 

I believe TR once said "Speak softly and give me the ball in the post"...or something like that

Only drawback is that he may shoot the Phoenix Suns mascot dead after having a flashback to one of his Safari hunts.

One of the many booby-traps Roosevelt will use

C- Abe Lincoln- The Sean Bradley of the Presidents’ team. Not looking much from him offensively, but when push comes to shove he doesn’t back down. For an example of this Google “The Civil War”.

He probably won't be too popular in the southern states

There you have it, the starting five for the Presidential Basketball team. Where did I go wrong? Give me some feedback in the comment section.

About B Roe

Tall, charming, handsome sports fanatic.
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